Dear Diary.... ♥

10:06 AM

Welcome back home, my love. ♥

Talked things out with him on the previous night. I really hope all these crying seasons will be over. No more such things ANYMORE. Cannot afford live without you. Ok shan't talk about it anymore already. Our love will never be seperated for lives. :)

And so, yesterday i actually decided to be a good mommy girl one. Went home early straight after school. Too tired already. Didn't sleep at all the previous night. Ended up using laptop and all, didn't sleep. -.- Then evening, darling called me and asked to meet up after his work at night. Took mrt down all the way to bugis leh, very lonely. Waited for him to finish work, and his big bro came to fetch us home. Bathed and all, went out for supper along with his sis and Billy.

Went to Upper Thomsom Road there the famous Cheese Prata Shop. It's unbelievable, it was around 1am already and the place was so packed. Difficult to even find place to park our car. -.-
Ate, talked cocked, and YongChun came to join. New friend. :) Talked talked talked, then Billy and Yongchun they all said theres car gathering at West Coast park there. Another new friend, Edwin came also, and all of us each drove down tgt to West Coast. Nice driving down with Billy's and Yongchun's EG6s and Edwin's EK4. Very fast!!

Reached there, AND SOOO MANY RACE CARS WERE THERE!! Wooo, very very chioooo! Think 20 of them also have man. Saw a GREEN RX7!! Damn chio! Engine boost very loud. Got WRXs also, Evo 7, Lambo, blabla alot more. My goodness. Too bad never take pictures ytd night. But nvm, more of those gatherings and racings to come. :)

Got to know more people there. New friends again. All gather together, talked and slacked at open air carpark there. Actually supposed to have race between YC and another guy. But got traffic police around. -.- Stayed all the way till nearly 4am and all went home.

Today's Vesak Day. Holiday! :D

Finally had a good sleep after so long. Woke up at 2.30pm i guess. Then bathed and all, and baby came over to my place for awhile. Finally it's been a while, got time to go out together. Today was so loved by him. Lunched at The Vilage, then shopping at Orchard. GSS LEH! Surely must shop one. :D Bought 2 cardigens.

At night went to fetch his big bro and gf from work. Then went to Upper Thomsom Road for supper. Went back to darling's house awhile and aft that drove me home. Omfg, 200km/h speed when darling drove! Woooo, soo fucking fast you know! Ok lah, im convinced tt his car is good le. :P Den i'm home now and i'm dropping dead soon.

I don't know wanna go school tomorrow anot lehhhhhhh. Many not going! Damn.

Darling's WRX.

The back so beautiful. :)

I feeeeel so loved by you. Thanks for everything. Hope everything remains like this for the rest of our lives. <3

9:09 PM

I read about & saw a very very very loving couple. How envious i am, at the same time i felt very sour. Why? They just reminded me of sooo many things. I've heard of a song from Michelle Honey, and i found it so meaningful. It's really a portrait of how i feel now.....

If i were blue, would u be there for me.

& whisper in my ear thats ok.

would you standby me, let me hold u tight.

& say you love me one more time.

If i feel good, would you slow dance with me

& touch my lips with tender lovin care.

would you die for me, would you run with me

& never look back

would you be there to love to be with me

would you swear that your love is always true

would you say that you would always be the one

to take my breath away.

would you be there to love to be with me

would you swear that your love is always true

would you say that you would always be the one

to take my breath away.would you be there

If im away, would you still think of me

& wish that you could hold me now

would you die with me, would you run with me all the way

would you be there to love to be with me

would you swear that your love is always true

would you say that you would always be the one

to take my breath away.

would you be there to save my soul tonight

& swear that your love is always true

would you say that you would always be the one

to kiss my pain away

would you be there to love to be with me

would you swear that your love is always true

would you say that you would always be the one

to take my breath away.

would you be there to save my soul tonight

& swear that your love is always true

would you say that you would always be there

to kiss my pain away

would you be there, for me?

> Songs are my esctacy now *

2:58 AM

Yes, i finally got my router fixed up at my home. Finally, wireless at homeeee. Another good thing is that, Blogger actually saves up my posts automatically. Goodgood. :)

Great Singapore Sales arrivedddd. Wheees, people jio me out for shopping okays.

I dont know what else more to say. I'm feeling very emotionally wrecked up now. Feels like someone is clenching my heart very hard and tight now. I'm losing the ability to do anything right now. I'm so afraid, till i feel like just squatting at one corner of my dark room and cry till you come back. Just cry because i miss you so much. You might never realise. I just feel so lonely. How much i would wish to scream out my lungs and say i need you now. Sigh nevermind.

7:09 PM

What can i say? Days with my John are simply so much loveee. (:

My poor baby is down with fever on tuesday, my goodness and i flew down straight after school to take care of him. Bought some fish porridge, but he's just sleeping all the way till night. Heartpainpain! Well, stayed and took great care of him till night. Tv watching whole day with his mom at home.
.

Skipped school the next day again. (I'm such a bad student. Someone stop me from skipping school already please!!) Hur. And again, went down to take care of baby. But he's feeling much better already and thank god. Went to ikea to get our bed frame. Niceniceeee.

And yesterday, went to collect his car, and went to catch the movie, Blades Of Glory, at Plaza Sing. People i swear that movie is really worth a hard laugh. I practically burst in tears by laughing man. What-the-hell lah, Hahahahaha. :D

And my sweeeeet darling bought me my long awaited favourite new arrival LEVIS WATCH! Soo happy ya know. Love it soo much! :D:D Thanks so much my baby. I couldn't be much more happier than that. <3

Im in class now again yo. And it's enterprise module today fuckszsx. CHRISTINA LOW YOU BITCHO! You will never realise how much i detest her! Bah!

At night, as i sat beside my bed, i knelt down and pray to dear God, for my love to recover completely. When i open my eyes, i look out of my window, it started to rain. The countless of raindrops tells how much i miss you. And i looked at my empty room, i missed your presense, your love. Nothing can simply measure how much i really am deep in love with you. You're one who made me realise how to lead life a good one, and taught me countless of lessons. We will never be seperated. You're the one, just my only one, John. <3

7:14 PM

I haven't been blogging for donkey centuries already. Well, i'm back for bloggin'. :) I've to move on with life after ah ma has left me. She wants me to live well too. Well, she'll always live in my heart.

Previous day went out with Wendee and Andee. JAW spell soo much LOVEEE! They're really darlings to me. Thanks for making me laugh so hard again. Went to bugis, did some shopping spree. I have yet to shop for weeks already ya know. Bought another diva necklace, mphosis slippers, blacks shorts and belt. :D Satisfied. (No choice you see, bugis always so cheap, can bargain prices.)

Ohyes, we earned 10 dollars free cos the waiter gave us the wrong change when we lunched at a taiwan teahouse. :D Used the money for neos. Wheee happy! And reggy darling came to join. Slacked the back alley again, and went to Ah Chew Dessert House for supper again! Fun day with all my darlings. I love them so much.

Woookaaaay. I'm in class blogging now. So secretly...... -.-

Love, you're really very important to me after all we've been through. I can't afford to live without you. Please, i dont want things to ever change in between us okay. So deeply in love with you, John. <3

7:21 PM

Ah ma left me already.

I've just lost someone sooo precious and dearly to me. I've nothing to say anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. Dont ask me dont come talk to me. Just dont come near me. I need alot of time to get over everything. Sorry.

Ah ma, i have countless of words left unsaid to you. I really really miss you so much......

9:32 PM

Breakout 2 now. And my comm module team 5 is slacking in class now. JEEKIAT is blasting his music and i am going deaf. My ears are going to bleeed soon.

BENJY: Hello Joy! How's it goin?

Well he's sitting beside me you see. Yeah. I dont feel bored now. :D KKK I WANNA USE HIS LAPPY FOR GAMING NOW BYEEEEEE.

8:06 AM

My heart broke.............. upon seeing my ah ma.

I couldn't control myself. She has became sooo thin, looked so frail, lying helplessly, weakly on the bed with tubes everywhere on her. She saw me, badly wanna speak to me, but can't. Tubes were inside her mouth connected to her windpipe to enable her to breathe. She wanna speak so much. She is soo thin you know. So thin till even i can't imagine. I really couldn't believe it. Why has my grandma became so frail? I tell myself i can't cry in front of her. Ah ma wants me to talk to her, chat with her, hold her hands. Althou she can't speak now, i know what she wants to tell me. She clutched my hands with all her strength. I tried to hold back my tears with all i can.

As soon as i left the room after she slept at night, i broke down. I have never been so depressed. I can't believe ah ma becomes like this. I really feel so heart pain. Very very very very very.........

This period for me will be so so tough. Manage with school, rushing up and down hospital, heart so pain everyday worrying ah ma. I totally have no mood in anything anym. Joy will not be that crazy Joy that always laugh till the whole world can hear, always make people laugh cos she behaves like public embarressment. I tried to laugh, to keep myself feel better. But ultimately i still can't deceive myself. Dear friends and John, i'll be okay. Dont worry. Thanks for everythg, and your concern. I just need more time with my ah ma now. The old Joy will come back in future. :)

9:11 AM

Today is a real bad day for me. I think i'm crying. Yes i really think so.

Basic science module is a real suffocation. I think whole class almost died on today's module, but eventually we still 'anyhow anyhow' whack already. I hope it's not gonna be so bad afterall.

AND.........................................

My most beloved ah-ma is hospitalised. Intensive-Care-Unit. My whole heart sank when i heard this news. Her weak heart is infected with bacteria. Quite critical now. My heart is exploding, with millions of worries. I'm feeling so terrible now. All i could do is just to pray pray and pray. I'm feeling so guilty towards God, as well. I can't stop tearing, cause my heart aches so much. Wailing so painfully. I'm not in the mood for anything, nor everything now.
Till here. Goodbye people.

Father lord, i hope you can really hear my prayers. Forgive me, for being such a failure child of yours. Father i'm sorry, that i have completely indulged myself in my own life until i neglect you, Lord. I've sinned too many. It's really time for self-reflection. I pray for your forgiveness, renew myself in your presence, and at the same time, i will stand in-proxy for ah-ma at miracle services and even in my heart, from now on. *

11:10 AM

OHHHH YES, YAAY I GOT INTO MY HIPHOP AUDITIONS! :D But theres still like another overnight camp, after which still got another round of audition lah! Zz so ma fan man! Why so strict one. :( Okay prays hard.

UK FUNFAIR-ED YESTERDAY!! Reg, Wendee & Andee! <3 Wooooo super fun and thrilling! (plus millions of giddyness!) Played Topgun, Challenger and G-force straight in a row! My goodness, i really cannot take it man. Imagine all of them are those, 360 degrees type. -.- Was super giddy. But nonetheless, was freaking cool and fun!

Today was absolutely so much loved! ROCKED SO HARD! :D

Vivocity with Wendee and Andee. Apparently, we swept through the whole of Vivocity. Pastamania for lunch is YUM! :) And i managed to get the striped long sleeve from Forever 21. Double yayness. Birdy kaiwei was working at NUM and cooincidentally met him! And he's gonna get a discount for me, if i were to buy that NUM bag right right? Heh. :P

Headed to Bugis aft that. Went to find my John! :D And some paragon staffs were there today too! My god, missed them sooooo much! Had some chatting session with them. Left and we had desserts as our supper, famous Ah Chew Dessert stall. It was a yumyum! AND OF COS, MANY MANY CAMWHORE SESSIONS!

CAMWHORE AT BACK ALLEY IS SOO LOVED! (Pssst! You can never guessed how we take our back alley pictures some without assistance!!) Wendee laughed super alotttttt today i tell you. And i was made a public embarressment. Haha super funny i tell you. Laughed hell ya alot today! Camwhoring continues in the train on the way home too. Aha exceptionally fun day today! Loved my day soo much with Andee and Wendee! <3 I'm soo worn out now. Tired. The time now is 2.17am. Good night all darlings..............

Theres DARN ALOT of pics uploaded today. Slowly enjoy. :)

WENDEE & ANDEE IS LOVEEE! <3

2:52 AM

I really miss my girlfriends alot. Dont know why i was feeling very wierd yesterday. Alot of stuffs are juggling around in my brains, in my mind. :(

As i said, my mood wasn't on the right track yesterday. Comm module was my fav, and yet i was very listless. Didn't perform. Well, sorry mates for behaving like that. I promise i wont anym alright. Loves! Okay my day was brightened cause my sweeet bf came to school to fetch me. Very happy you know! Haven't been seeing him for a week, he's so busy with work. Roadshows.. blahblah. Ugh nvm its ending this week already. I've to bare with it. :(

And so darling drove me to amk hub. Had our dinner there and went to his place aft that. Played with milooo alot! My god super adorable please. Loving milo so much! :D Slept at darling's place, can't stand it, i was very very tired.

Andand, i had a nightmare you know. I dreamt i lost John, sooo frantic. And i woke up, he wasn't beside me in his rooom and his house downstairs got those funeral chantings. My god, i was so bloody scared you know! And i didn't dared to leave the room. Darling only came in after like 20mins later and he saw me crying. :( Told him what happened and he gave me a hug and whispered to me he's not ever gonna leave me, its just a dream. Felt so touched by what he said you know. That dream made me realised i really cannot do without him. I really love him alot. So much so much. Late at night, we went supper together with big bro and his gf.

Skipped school today cause yesterday really slept very late. Confirm cannot wake up one. :P And so i woke up at 2plus man. Stucked my butts whole day at home...................

Mylove, nothing's gonna change my love for you. I can really see our future, as a very bright one. I know recent days have been very tough for us to go through together. No doubt there'll be fustrations and disappointments. These annoying days will be over very soon i believe right? I'm waiting for better days to come and bare with it alright? I'm always here for you. Always. <3

hannah and me. :)the craziness aura in class with my girls! haha!

9:20 AM

I have totally completely no interests in computing modules man. Oh fuckszx! Wanted to skip and just leave during break. But feel very bad, leaving my team mates to suffer. :( I wonder how those students in IT courses survive. (No offence thou!) But its like.... OMG LAH!? Codes everywhere. Doh its absolutely a turn-off for me. Whatever. I really feel like sleeping in class today.

Hiphop IG auditions today! Wooo. Everything was cool lah. Dance steps cheorographed, power! Danced and danced, practiced and bla. 8 Judges sitting in front looking and judging. How stressful. But overall was quite okay! :D Loved the dance steps yo! Can't wait for results yaaaayyy. Jo, don't be so demoralised alright! You surely can make it one! :)

I'm so tired now. My bed's calling for me..........

----------------------------------------------------

Some people can really be hilarious man!! To be specific, people who mark themselves anony. And even faked as my friends. Please lah, you don't respect my friends at least respect YOURSELF? Really pathetic man. PATHETIC. I don't understand, why now in this 2007th year already and people are still playing unknown. Fucking no balls to admit man. Why? Your identity very disgraceful is it? Very fun is it? I seriously don't see the fun man. So fucking bo liao can. Hey please lah, if you really have nothing to do but to criticise, just fuck off back your house and criticise your mother father lah.

I really feel sad for you man. SAD. I even feel disgraced for you, and your parents lah hor. Not happy just come straight to my face man. I wait for you in rp. You come rp find me. I'm serious okay. Don't come play unknown with me. You only make a fool out of yourself, everyone looking will be LAUGHING at you. To you, you might think you come spam my tag might dirty my blog. Look man. I can just delete away, but why didn't i? I want to let everyone see how pathetic unknowns like you, type and criticise! You can create entertainment i tell you. Haha. You come find trouble yourself, end up let so many of us say you till even more worse. Think yourself lah. Not i paiseh ok. Is YOU, faggot. Got guts, come find me. Dont make me expose you. I'm giving you a chance to save your face for the LAST TIME. Ive traced ip address already. You try spam one more time, you believe i will expose you, not only in my blog? You wanna play, i can be more playful than you. Try me. :)

10:43 AM

A day dedicated for labourers. LABOUR DAY DOH! It's a happy day for me, cause its a public holiday and theres no school yaaay! :D

Half the day was gone, as family draged and draged. Don't even know where to go. End up shopping with mom and sis again. Dad didn't tag along. Mom's supposed to shop for her birthday clothings. Shopped at bugis, and yet shes soooo picky on clothes can. Didnt even buy. My goodness. But yeah, we splurged on cosmetics again. Shopping ends in the evening. Of cos, i did went to look for my John! (:

Mom was being so cute lah.
Mom: "Eh? You never go find your john meh?"
Me: "Haha eh of cos will lah. :P"
Sis: "Maaa! Who who who?"
Mom: "Your future jiefu lor. Ask your jiejie lor."
Mom: "Hannah go lah. I give you 5mins go see him. My timing starts from....NOW!"
Me: "Hahahaha! Maaa you don't siao leh. -.-" (LOL!)

Kbox at cine with mer, po and kok at night. I must really admit we were in a ultimate HIGH and crazy mood man. Esp po. (Hahaha!) And soon i got ''infected'' too. Screamed and blah. Laughed non stop man! Haha i think mer and kok can't stand us. :P Fun and high time in there! Caught the last train and went home earlier with mer. Sorry po and kok! ):

THEN MY HEELS BROKE WHEN I'M WALKING BACK HOME MYSELF!! AND I'VE TO WALK BACK BARE-FOOTED FROM MRT TO HOME! HOW SUAY. PLUS ITS LIKE A MORE-THAN-5MINS-WALK HOME. :(

Baaah! Alright nvm. I'm like supposed to sleep now. School tomorrow again. And hiphop audition's tmr toooooooo. I NEED BLESSINGS PLS. Goodnights. :(

love you so much so much! :)