11:05 AM

Friday.
After school went down bb's place and settle down, and went to MS to catch the horror movie called "Alone" together with bernice and ivan too. (: Quite scary thou. Zz freaks me out couple of times and i was like grabbing b's hand till blood clot alr? Lol. -.- And later in the night, went MOS clubbing! Woooo.

Just reached there den got girls fighting alr, wah damn fierce. Two girls kicking each other, den pull down their tube dress. (!!) Then another girl pulled the girl's hair and whack her head on the table and all liquors fell on the floor. Wah fierce. First time see. O.o But nonetheless, we still enjoyed! Danced danced danced, drink drank drunk! Haha. All the way till 4plus then went upp thomson for supper then both of us went totally flat the moment we reached home alr. Lol.
.

Sat.
Woke up super late with bb! Two pigs indeed. -.-" Love to hug mian and sleep. =p Okay went AMK walked awhile only then went back home, play ps3, order pizza eat. Cheeze fondue! Awww love. (: Till bout 10plus, went out with Willie to orchard Wheelock there slack. Then TP came. Wah big event. -.- Then b, willie and friends all stayed there see see look look how TP catch race cars. Stayed till like 2.30am?! Omg. I'm like practically feeding mosquitoes in the carpark. Haha. Then yaoli and friends came, and we went changi eat, then go dam. All the way till 6.30am in the morning then go back sleep. I was totally dead alr cannnn. -_-"
.

Sun.
Woke up late again. :( Supposed to pack room and stuffs but not enough time. Sorry.. End up finally got to eat Botak Jones for dinner. Super big serving meal western food. Very yummy. =p
Then at night went back home alr. :((((((

Mon.
FORMAL WEAR TODAY! Whole class wore so formal. Haha so cool lah. Took many pics. :D Okay after school nowhere go and headed home straight and slept. Super tired, didn't get enough rest last night. Just when mommy was mentioning bout b, then evening my bb came! =p Had dinner and watched tv and stuffs all the way till 10plus.

Alrighty! I rly have to sleep! TEST TMR AGAIN! :(

9:44 AM

*Viewers' discreet. This post is going to be veryyy long. Don't view if you find it very long-winded. Today's post is of my own stand, this shall be the last time i'm writing bout this matter alr. Cos i'm moving on with my own life, don't wish to care bout it anymore.*

I'm supposed to be sleeping now.
Cos i'm feeling terrible. Nauseous, head spinning, feeling so cold. Wthhhhhhhh.

Anyway i feel so crap now. I don't know what to say and yet i'm still here blogging. Very speechless, that's all i can say. Why must all these topics be raked and brought up again to remind me those again? I thought i was trying so hard and learning to walk well again.

Anyway FYI, i'm writing this post now is NOT that i'm re-affected, being sad or feeling fearful or insecure again. Its just tt i'm being mentioned, i don't wish to bother initially, but i've to make some points clear. So no choice, gotta waste my time writing now lor. Tsktsk. But like i said, this is the LAST post of it yeah! Cos i'm not bothering anym after this! :D

Just to make my stand clear. After alllll those hurts and traumatizing stuffs has struck me, i have already said clearly last time, in life we make many mistakes, and we also see people make mistakes. That's where we have to learn from it. I've undergone all these, i DID NOT just blame any SPECIFIC person for these. I fully understand that each parties contributes to different faults. Just hope you can put yourself in my shoes and think also, if you asked people to think in your shoes either.

And another thing, what do you mean by i 'chu stunt'? Is it something very worth to be going like, 'Wowwww'? I want you to get this clear that, is not just you who give him up and return him to me. Get this clear, i don't need such sympathy for what i've done for my love. I gave him the choice to choose. I let him go that time, told him if this is really what you want, you go. I give up. Just because i love you i have to let you go. Go have your fun and freedom. I don't know how to love you and make you stay anymore. Because i'm just too tired already.

I did it that time is just because i have reached the maximum level, and i'm unable to carry on cos things have reached to worst stage i have never dared to imagine. The hurt is barely what you can imagine. What i have gone through is no one can ever thought of. How i have tolerated is beyond how anyone can think of. I'm just a plain ordinary girl like anyone else is, i'm no robot or superwoman who has supernatural powers.

But why am i doing all these? Just because of love. Love is established when there's trust and honesty. No matter what happens i still believe in him. Time and time again, i still chose to believe him. And i will. What i did for my love, is not physically showering him with loads of love and sticking to him like a baby. But mentally, deep inside, in my heart, how i really felt towards him.

And i DONT HATE anyone for god's sake. This is sinful. Yes, i may be abrupt and harsh at times in my words, when i know all these things happening to me. Cos i couldn't take it for those moments. But all along, did i do anything at all? I just kept silent all along and swallow everything myself for so long till i finally burst right? I live my life everyday to love this world, and not to waste my blood vessels hating people. We're all girls, i know how you feel. Yes, there's no right or wrong in liking someone. It's just your actions that you do, that make you face the worst consequences you know. Of cos, he does have his faults too, and i have mine too. Everyone is responsible for our own actions and wrong-doings. Everyone HAVE TO face consequences. Yes, there're people who rly ruin my life like shit. But i tell myself, this is life. I have to face all these obstacles, this is part of the down side of my life and i have to persevere and not get affected by it.

This is how i battle my life. This doesn't just apply to me, but everyone out there.

End up, we were back together. But i fear, i fear sooo much at first. So many 'if's, so many things running through my mind. But still, i gave him a chance. But not entirely forgive yet. A chance is given, to prove yourself and realise what's going on in your life, and realise that it's time you really grow up. It's been going to 6months, 6 tough months. At first, i used to ask myself why am i having such a difficult relationship? Can't i just love someone without any troubles? But slowly, i began to realise everything was meant to be this way. I cannot change how things are supposed to be. Instead i thank god for giving me such a tough relationship, and put me through this such a difficult test. It really made me grew stronger, and at the same time, wake me up. Just to watch him grow up, and realise all these, is definately worth what i've once suffered. It's worth it, just for him, cos i want him good.

Now that i'm re-committing my life back to him, i sincerely hope you'd give us your blessings. Things have past, i really don't wish to be reminded by it anymore, and there's no more such things anymore. I'm sure you don't want bad reputation of yourself, how people look at you, and most importantly, you being hurt too yah. The feeling is not good i know. Cos i believe you know clearly too, the consequences you'll face. So what for? Yeah? You are a girl, don't spoil your own image k. Move on with your life. There's loads of wonderful things in your life waiting for you. I believe one day your own true love someone else out there will come to you, and that's when you'll be like me, loving your him whole heartedly too.

Please take heart. God bless.

Okay that's it. I hope i have really made my stand clear now once and for all. I don't wish to say about all these anymore. That's all folks. From now onwards it's just about my own life and also with him. God will guide us along. :) Not only us, but everyone out there!

10:07 AM

I don't know why i'm still here blogging, when my eyes now can't seem to open alr. Actually is cos i know i'll surely be lazy to update in sch tmr. =p Super sleepyyyyyyyyy now................. Okok wake up and bear with it awhile more!

Can someone please think of a way to help stop me from ALWAYS being super late to school? I seriously can't wake up always. I'm so dead can, don't want my grades to be affected hopefully alr. :( I've been like late for 1 month plus continuously alr lah?! Always told myself to get up, but my body just doesn't listens! I seriously miss going sch with my gfs jo, syaza & wanie. Sigh, but recently have been trying hard to wake up earlier. SOMEONE PLS HELP MEEEEEEE.

7:28 PM

see my face look so 'chui'. boringly bored. -.-

11:18 AM

/edited.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST DONT FEEL GOOD NOW. Moodswing maybe?

Yesterday queued for donuts, legs aching everywhere. Zz! Then went to MS awhile and walked around, played pool awhile too. Bought a thin belt and dark blue jeans! Finally yipeeee! Then went back dear's house, rest awhile den go dam with tina and friends allllllll the way till 1plus am then left.

Today, went out whole day with mommy. Afternoon went to CGH hospital visit my uncle, then headed to punggol go find another uncle, then they chit chat chit chat, and i almost dozed off asleep. -.- Then went to another side of punggol to find my aunty. Haha i got alot of relatives hor. =p Then stayed there very long, cos aunty opened waffle shop!

Then i stood there and watched how they made waffle and spread those jams, so cool lah! Then i learn, then awhile more i help to sell alr! Haha super nervous can. But it's sooo cool to do waffles!
Hehe then reached home at night, and my darling girl Linda came over my place chat chat and play with my sis.

It's like 2.30am now and i still can't sleep. I dunno why. Just feel so........ Sigh. What a terrible moodswing i'm having!

Pictures here below as promised! (:

dad's birthday. :D jo got this pair of keychain for me! yay thanks honey! :D
alone me at braddel station last week i think?
my girl and i at partyworld. (:
getting ready to go out with my new bling top! (:

when i just woke up... (i'm wearing a sleeveless top! not naked. -.-)

& lastly, a small lil corner i love in my room. (:

11:17 PM

I think i'm gonna fail my science UT this time.
-Late for test, gotta do on paper.
-No time to complete it.
-Stucked on questions.

SIGH.
But heng, my daily grades were quite alright. So hopefully can pull up.

Anyway, left school after UT, and went to find him. Was too tired alr, didn't get to sleep well the previous night. And so, took a nap awhile then go Orchard. Caught HARRY POTTER! Story line was not bad lah, but ending....... DUH! Overall rating: 3/5

Dined at Mashe, the mashed potatoes over there is still the best. =p Okay then walked around and did a lil shopping. Bought 2 pairs of earrings from Diva again. Andand, MANGO HAVING SALES TOO! Got a speg strip and very bling top! Loveeeeeee it. (:

Today.... Hmm, yada-yada. =x Okay gotta go now. Going to Raffles City to queue for donuts! Byeee~

8:43 AM

My gooooooodness. Can't believe i can actually get so MUDDLED-HEAD!!

Yesterday i've actually left my whole laptop at baby's place. -.- Zz! And it's like when i reached home downstairs then realised i forgot to bring home! End up this morning gotta wake up super early rush down to his place and get back lappy and rush to school again. Wow......... -.- .

ANYWAY ANYWAY, whaoooooooo. Blogosphere tension is getting up by Xiaxue's recent post of Singapore's Top 7 Most Discusting Bloggers. Hits are increasing around blogspots now. Wooo. Anyway both stands consisting of her and those bloggers being mentioned made their stand well lah. I must say i'm impressed and well said. Singaporeans, well.. Always having the neutral, the positive and the negative. Cause soo many hot topics aroused now.

I'm like spending my whole time reading her blog and those mentioned bloggers rebuking entries today in school. Didn't even concentrate well in class. =x

Okok enough of my ramblings. Finally got to meet MY WENDEEE today after like 1 week or so of not meeting? She's super missed by me. =) But wells, althou time spent is short, but is very loved! Gonna meet up soon again YAY.

Then went back meet mom buy stuffs awhile and went to meet my darling Linda for another singing session at Partyworld! =) My dear girl, pls cheer up okay? Dontttttt go think about it already. Just learn from it, next time you will be more stronger and firm alr! I'm always here for you no matter what. Loves.

Am being super lazy to more upload pics now. Abit no time lah, tmr science test. -.- And I'M FEELING FREAKING SLEEPY NOW. My eyes are like -____- God bless me........ .Yingxian and me in sch toilet. =p

9:27 PM

LOL, my aunty michelle meow say i slim down alr. HAHAHA! Damn happy leh. But still not enough lah, still in progress. =p

ZARA IS HAVING GREAT SALES! Saturday went Takashimaya shopping with mom and oversea aunty, and i managed to bought a grey cardigan and a floral short flare skirt! :D SATISFIED!

Sunday, mom cooked alot cos of king daddy. -.- His birthday coming, but it's not even the actual day. Okay and i made cocktail for deserts too. Mom asked me to ask him over for dinner too, and yeah, my sis loveeee to disiao him. Watched vcd tgt and all, blabla.

Ytd was a super cocked-up day in schoolllllllllllllllllll. VERY MUCH PISSED OFF! :(

And finally today, it's my fat papa's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD. Daughter loves you no matter what. :)



bits and pieces of a naccisist me.

and my cutie chubby little love. (:

8:00 AM

Yesterday, was simply beyond words that i can say.

Just sitting by the river at esplanade and enjoy the beautiful scenery with someone i loved most was all along my wish. Now, it seemed like a dream finally came true during yesterday night...... our 5th month.

thanks.

from now onwards.

every moment, every magic, every miracle we share.

8:57 PM

今天，已经五个月了... 时间过得真快.

经历的事情也真不少，真不容易. 真的觉得老天爷在给我一个很难，很大的考验. 我现在真搞不清楚我自己. 不知道要怎么做才好...

亲爱的，五周月快乐.

Hope you like what i've done and given you.

Yesterday seemed to be like everything had returned to how things were when we first got tgt. Is it gonna remain like this, or what?

7:33 PM

I'm really very touched after reading my girl Linda's blog. Tears flowed out again. Didn't i tell myself not to cry?! Nonetheless, thanks alot my girl. You never fail to be my another ear. Love you loads dear girl. Thanks. You too, must be happy with your life now yah.

I'm really in the midst of being at a lost now. Feels like i'm at the edge of the cliff. I don't know if i should balance myself well and don't let myself fall down, or should i let him save me and pull me back, cos i see him approaching me to pull me. But will i pluck out my courage again? Sigh. My mind is exploding.

I LOST MY FAVOURITE BLUE CARDIGANNNNN. :'(


last look of my blue cardi. :((((


i took this pic, on my keyboard. it contains 'U' and 'I' together. sigh.


my girl took this for me! super sweet, i love it sooo much!!


vodka ribena.

7:24 PM

First and foremost, i would really love to dedicate this to all my beloved friends out there.

You guys know who you are, i really want to thank all of you for being by my side constantly without fail. Without you guys i really don't know what will become of me. I don't know how to express my gratitude. I just feel very fortunate to have you guys. Thanks for loving me, i won't dissapoint all of you k. Just give me abit more time for myself alone. =) You guys are simply angels sent by god to look after me. Thanks so much.

Syaza, if you're reading this, i'm sorry i've neglected you for quite some time my dear. I've been very wrecked up these period and didn't have time for school, and even my own life. I miss you alot. Miss those crazy days we used to laugh at anything, esp the sad violin melodies rmb? I'll be back for you, and you will soon know about me k? Pls, bestie, wait for me. Loves so much. You play a big part to me!

And as for myself, this blow is too hard for me to swallow myself. I almost died. I need alot of time to stand up myself, cos this time i fell too hard already, lost my ability and strength. I need to recuperate them slowly.

God teaches me to forgive and forget no matter what. In life, we meet alot of obstacles and circumstances. We make mistakes, and see how people make mistakes. This is how we learn through and grow up. What's done has been done, and cannot be erased. It takes two hands to clap. Just hope tt through mistakes, we will be able to learn. That's the most important thing afterall. Let this be a lesson learnt. Must be able to realise, wake up and grow up, then its time to cherish your wonderful life that has always been with you all along, don't wait till it's lost and gone, then regret again.

Take heart.

Got this from Benjy's blog,

9:36 AM

Never take someone for granted. Hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones.......

Sometimes you have to look back to see the mistakes you had made and realise how much you've grown.

我的心真的好痛好痛. 好像被几百万个刀刺伤......

7:26 PM

I want change my blogskin, into a wholly white and plain skin. No designs, no icons. Just me and my ramblings! Might be using Blogger's default white skin. Yaaays. Don't know why, just got the sudden recent love for white plain skins. :D

Lepak-ing with Adm Mac last night with Wendeeee & Jel. The only thing you'd do is,

1) Drink LARGE coke.
2) All time favourite Choc Hot-Fudge Sundae icecream.
3) Use laptop.
4) Webcam WHOREEEEEE with Wendy.
5) And laugh freaking loud and crazily, and there she goes slapping me again. -.-
6) She gets annoyed of me keep taking then deleting pics.

Ehhhhhh... I like her webcam lah. Got so many effects like photoshop one. :(
.
我生病了! 伤风和咳受! 很辛苦! :(((
.
Viewers' discreet. RETARD.
.


Don't know why, my eyes just feel so sour now. I really hope god could give me the utmost strength to lead me and guide on me.

1:15 AM

People people peopleeeee!

I've finally changed back to cbox alr lah. Esp to WENDEETOH and YANHAN huh! Keep complaining about haloscan. Haiyoyo. -.- Haha. BETTER TAG NOW I TELL YOU! *Pokes*

Oh yes, and HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, YANZHANG! Sorry for not attending your bbq. But will meet up soon if possible yah, with Wendy they all. (: ENJOY!

Someone reminded me, 4 MORE DAYS TO HARRY POTPOT. xD
.

i want mom's samsung hp, cos got front view camera. BUT SHE DON'T WANT TO XCHANGE WITH ME. :(

1:24 AM

Wowowow, i haven't really blogged for quite a few days already huh. My laziness era is kinda back. Mainly cos of pictures. Super lazy to upload. But wells, i did it FINALLY. :)))))

I've been like going out for this whole week. And i realised i haven't had home-cook dinner this week! :( I'm starting to miss it already. Mommy please don't be upset kay. I'll be home for dinner next week. =p

But wells, this week is fruitful! Met up with my loved ones like Wendeeeeeee!, Jiaying, Linda and HIM. Times spent with my babes were soo enjoyable and loved. :) And of course, with him, is even more undescribable.

Met him yesterday in the evening, and went down to Textile Centre to find his elder bro, Alice, Jiaying and Ivan. Had bowling. Its been like ages since i've yet touched a bowling ball. -.- But wells, fun! Then at night, drove down to kallang there and met his friends awhile only. Then lala-ed here and there, and went back his house. Superrrr tired already.

Watched him, and tapped him to sleep. Many things were flashing through my mind when i sat beside him, watching him sleep. Tears just dripped and dripped silently. And while he's sleeping, he kept calling me. Then suddenly he woke up, and he told me he dreamt that i just kept walking ahead of him, and he kept calling me but i didn't respond and cared him. Sometimes he can be still very 'xiao hai zi'. Makes me so wanna take care of him for the rest of our lives, very bu fang xin him. But sigh..

Reached home at about 2am. -.- And i fell flat asleep, till now, 3.30pm! Goodness. Today is 07.07.07. Special day, and we will be meeting tonight again. :) Till here.
.
my crazy charbo! <3 hahaha.

very blur us.

my beauty babes. <3

my dalin linda. love!

8:41 PM

退到了绝境再退，破碎到不能破碎
那么为什么，你就不肯说，我只能再一却都错
泪水灌溉这伤悲，绝望是你赐给的安慰
为何你说慌，我却受惩罚
你不如就用到此想
我可以痛了再痛，你可以错了再错
不甘心，不闪躲，只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你玩着火，你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

爱和痛如此纠结，悲和我无法分解
厌倦的疲累，成了一片黑
相同都已无法相灭 泪水滋润着泪水，
背叛是黎明一种慰藉
完美的借口，泪无不留下，你不如用乱箭射他

即使我头也不回，这悲剧猛向我追
情愿你全部摧毁，别留着燎原的火堆
给你的自由将我吞没，给我的爱像一根绳索

我可以痛了再痛，你可以错了再错
不甘心，不闪躲，全为了失真的承诺
我转身让你玩着火，你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破
为什么…… 连谎言你也不说

7:52 AM

round round BEANBAG Nirza and me. Haha!! :)

bernice and meee! :D

my new night gown dress! :)

6:51 AM

NIGHTMARES NIGHTMARES NIGHTMARES.

I did said i loved sleeping nowadays isn't it? Just to have a break outta my hectic and tiring life, and just sleep and not bothering my life. But it seems that even in my sleeps, i don't get peace either. In fact, it was much more scary.

Not just once, but twice. I kept having the same nightmare. About....... Sigh. And yes, i told him about it.

Bi told me that dreams are often very much on the opposite in reality life. So when your dream is negative, reality would end up positive. But when your dream is positive, reality would end up negative. Well, my dream was veryyyyyy negative. Sigh, till i almost cried when i woke up. I thought i had already lost him. But wells, thanks dear, for assuring me that all these would not happen.

I still remembered the last time i had a nightmare of losing him, was when i was sleeping in his room. And i dreamt he lying beside me, patting me to sleep. But suddenly he just left the room and never returned!! I woke up, and his room was super dark and he wasn't beside me. Then, cooincidentally that night his house downstairs was having those funeral chantings. I was sooo scared till i didn't even dared to move.

And i cried. After awhile later then he came into the room, and he saw me tearing. He rushed to the bed and hugged me. I told him about my nightmare, and he actually whispered to my ears and hugged me so tight. "My silly girl... don't think so much. All these won't happen. Cos i will never ever leave you. I will always be here." And he kissed my forehead. I was so touched. I could never forget that moment.

So, is a nightmare actually good, or bad?

Yours truly


♥ Joycelyn Lim ♥
22 November 1990
Final Year Diploma in Biomedical Science

Email: Dar_dolphin@hotmail.com

Joycelyn Lim

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